Landing on your Feet

Day twelve of the A-to-Z challenge. L is for Little Green Men, a common depiction of Martians and other extraterrestrials in early Twentieth century science fiction, both straight and satirical.

I had a good life going, until the morning I woke up to find that I was a little green man. My kids thought it was funny, but my wife freaked out when I came down for breakfast. She was just tired, I know. It’s hard to get any sleep when a flying saucer shines a spotlight through your window at 3 o’clock in the morning.

The boss fired me on the spot. I tried to argue, but the only sounds that came from my mouth were crazy bleep-bloop noises. My skin-tight silver jumpsuit wasn’t up to the company dress code, either. And I was an hour late — but have you ever tried driving a minivan when you’re three feet tall with three spindly sucker-tipped fingers on each hand? My sunglasses wouldn’t even fit on my freakish watermelon head.

Until I became one, I never appreciated how hard things are for little green men. Did you know that their jumpsuits are dry clean only? The laundromat destroyed my only set, and not even the clothes on the children’s rack at Walmart fit my misshapen torso. Plus, you wouldn’t believe how many jerks walk up and ask me to say “they’re always after me lucky charms!”

So there I was, a middle-aged man, suddenly out on the street with no house, no wife, no job. Nothing but the scaly green ectoderm on my back, and a rod-shaped probe thingy. I still don’t know how it works, but it makes a halfway decent backscratcher.

Since I mutated into a little green man, life has been rough, but it’s not all bad. I recently found a job at the carnival: terrible pay, but all-you-can-eat corn dogs. I’m saving up a little money for a vacation to Zeta Reticuli this summer. I even have my eye on this girl… right now she doesn’t know I exist, but one day I know I’ll sweep her off her feet.

Life can really throw you for a loop sometimes. If my experience has taught me anything, it’s that you just have to roll with it, and land on your feet. Even if they’re hideous green crow-feet with talons.


One thought on “Landing on your Feet

  1. fun story. I never thought what it would be like to be transformed into a martian… You sure took it in stride! I enjoyed reading your story.
    Michele at Angels Bark

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